悲伤与失落
从来没有人告诉过我，悲伤就像恐惧.
C. S. 刘易斯
眼泪是悲伤的无声语言.
伏尔泰
什么是悲伤?
悲伤是对失去的正常和自然的反应. 损失是否涉及死亡 of a loved one, the end of a special relationship, or becoming disabled -- and whether the person is a senior citizen, a child or a college student – all of us will experience 生命中某些时刻的失落和悲伤.
At many points after a loss, the 悲伤 person can benefit from the support of others. Individual grief reactions can vary widely, not only from person to person, but also 在同一个人身上.
对悲伤的反应
悲伤的人会经历许多对失去亲人的反应. 在不同时期， but especially at first, the 悲伤 person may experience intense and sometimes 矛盾的感觉. 我们的大脑会停止工作，拒绝处理如此强烈的情绪 令人沮丧的信息. 疏离感和“这不是真的”的感觉 can co-exist with strong feelings such as sadness, helplessness, loneliness, guilt, 或愤怒. Experiencing and accepting these feelings as natural represents an important 恢复过程的一部分.
Throughout the recovery period people who are 悲伤 will experience many reactions. 以下的一些反应确实可能会经历很多次:
- Denial, shock, numbness -- reactions which distance the 悲伤 person from the loss, 从而保护他/她不被情绪所压倒.
- Emotional releases -- these reactions accompany realizations of different aspects of the loss, they are often very physically located in the body (crying, screaming, 震动).
- 反应性抑郁——悲伤之外的自然情绪.g.孤独的感觉; isolation, hopelessness, sorrow) which occur as the person more clearly recognizes 损失的程度.
- 恐慌——感到不知所措、困惑、恐惧、无法应对.
- Remorse -- following a loss (whether through death, relationship breakup or disability) a 悲伤 person sometimes becomes preoccupied with thoughts of what he/she might have done differently to have prevented the loss or to have made things better. 这 can be helpful as the person tries to make sense out of his or her situation, but 也会导致不切实际的悔恨或内疚的感觉吗.
- Anger -- A significant loss threatens the 悲伤 person's basic beliefs about himself 或是她自己，或是生活. 结果(通常让悲伤的人感到困惑)， he or she can feel anger not only at a person perceived as responsible for the loss, or at God or life in general for the injustice of the loss, but also -- in cases of 死亡带来的损失——对死者的死亡感到惋惜.
- Need to talk -- in order to recognize and come to terms with the impact of the loss, the 悲伤 person may express feelings, tell stories and share memories, sometimes 一次又一次和不同的人.
- Physical ailments -- in response to the emotional stress of grief, many people are more vulnerable to a variety of physical ailments over the six to 18 months following 损失(e.g.、感冒、恶心、高血压等.).
悲伤的障碍
悲伤是生命中一个被误解和忽视的过程. 因为应对损失 and death is often awkward and uncomfortable for both grievers and helpers, those 忧虑可以避免处理悲伤. 神话中大学时光总是 "happy years" and the concurrent failure to recognize that death of someone close is not the only type of significant loss, many potential helpers don't even recognize 学生、员工或朋友正在悲伤. 此外，如果发生死亡， the student in college may be living far away from others who are experiencing the 同样的损失. 所有这些因素都可能使体验更加孤独 而且比平时更不开心.
Society promotes many misconceptions about grief that may actually hinder the recovery 损失之后是增长. 例如，朋友和家人可能会说 as, "You must be strong," "you have to get on with your life," or "it's good that 他不必受苦.这样的陈词滥调可能对说这些话的人有帮助，但很少有帮助 对悲伤的人有帮助. 其他误解可能是，它是不合适的 show emotions except at the funeral or that recovery should be complete within a prescribed 时间量. 还有一些误解会暗示悲伤的人是 being inappropriate when at times he or she breaks away from the grief, laughs, plays, 工作效率高吗. 一个人可能有个人和文化差异 in the ways that he or she deals with grief; friends need to support the bereaved in recovering and restoring balance in the individualized way that is best for that 人，在那个时候.
帮助悲伤的人的指南
悲伤无法解决，无法收拾，无法振作. 那些愿意倾听的人， support, witness, hug and comfort will almost never feel like they have done ‘enough’ 因为无论你能帮多少忙，失去的事实依然存在. 下面 are some concrete suggestions about ways to be helpful over time to someone who is 悲伤.
- 采取一些行动. 打个电话，寄张卡片，给个拥抱，参加校园活动 聚会，并在实际问题上提供帮助.g.在课堂上记笔记，写作 一张卡片).
- 是可用的. 给对方一些时间，这样在你拜访对方时就不会有“紧迫感” 或交谈.
- 做一个好的倾听者. 接受别人表达的话语和感受，避免评判 or taking their feelings personally, avoid telling them what they feel or what they 应该做的.
- 不要把损失最小化，避免给出陈词滥调和简单的答案. 不要害怕 谈论失去(i).e.死者，前男友或前女友，还有 残疾等.).
- Allow the bereaved person to grieve for as long or short a time as needed. 要有耐心, 没有捷径.
- 鼓励失去亲人的人照顾好自己. 他们需要关注身体需求， 推迟重大决定，允许自己悲伤和恢复.
- 承认并接受自己的局限性. 很多情况都很难处理， but can be made easier with the help of outside resources -- books, workshops, support 团体、其他朋友或专业人士.
照顾好自己，照顾好彼此.
支持ing a 悲伤 person can also be stressful for the helpers; they need to take care of themselves while also attending to the needs of the 悲伤 person. 自 helpers themselves are often 悲伤, they may need to address their own healing 过程. 这 may include having the opportunity to express their own emotions, to take care of themselves physically and to turn to other friends for support. 悲伤 can be isolating and overwhelming, but as social animals, humans grieve most fully 在别人的陪伴下.
悲伤和损失资源
有用的链接:
当地的支持:
社区安宁疗护 provides free grief support services to those who have experienced the death of a 家人或朋友. 电话:518-581-0800
有用的视频:
应用程序:
悲伤.com应用程序 ——悲伤.com是最古老的悲伤支持在线社区之一 苹果版和安卓版售价2美元.99.
播客:
什么是你的悲伤播客- In this podcast series Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams, the two mental health professionals behind the grief website What's Your 悲伤, seek to leave no stone unturned in demystifying the complicated and sometimes crazy experience of living life after loss.
Material is used with permission from Cornell College and the University of Illinois.